So I woke up nice and early on December 31st 2012 - Showered and shaved and went downstairs for my religious morning coffee. It was semi dark so I am assuming still before 6:00 am or there abouts. Eventually the water boiled and my 3 in 1 coffee was quickly dispatched - I wandered along to Pom's Honda CRV and hopped in without really thinking about what I expected from my days plan.
I pulled out the soi and trundled through town thinking how quiet it was, as I passed one of my favored baton go stands I decided breakfast wouldn't go amiss so parked up at the next reasonable stopping point.
I wandered back to the seller to be greeted with "Set Laew" - finished already so I turned back to the car working out it must be later than I had considered. Difficult to tell on new years eve as the whole town did seem much quieter than usual.
Leaving town I passed the relatively new Central Plaza forgetting to stop and look for bel paise cheese which was sort of one of the purposes of my trip. About 10 km out of town I stopped for petrol and managed to amuse the filling station staff by pulling up with the filler on the wrong side and then not knowing which grade fuel I wanted - 95 or 91 was barked at me in broken English which seems to be the norm even between Thais. As I walked round the pump attendant gleefully showed me the 91 sticker she had seen inside the filler cap - I was relieved to see it as I wasn't sure if the engine was diesel or not not having driven for a while.
Soon after the petrol station I passed some sort of Thai Jet fighter by the side of the road - Surat Thani Air
Wing 7 I think was the sign - I have spotted this a number of times and spent hours trying to find it on google maps only to realise I was much closer to Surat Thani than I had thought. I wondered if I sould stop and take pictures but having left the Camera at home I relaxed and thought about doing it at a later date (M.P.'s willing of course)
The rest of the drive was un eventful and took about an hour as I contemplated what I was going to say to this monk if and when I eventually got to meet him - Last time I had seen him, Dhammavidu was in March 2010 as I left on day 7 of my second 10 day silent retreat.
I had managed to stay there for seven days but had had difficulty settling as it had seemed quite "noisy" with a couple from Koh Tao sneaking off for late night rendevous and other meditators being quite slovenly plomping them selves down beside you without the slightest concern for any disturbance they might cause - I had struggled with this matter for 4 or 5 days before leaving but was a little surprised when the Thai monk told me he had seen me in one of the meditation halls ans thought if I carried on as I was he thought I "would end up in a lunatic asylum and probably kill myself ". I thought he was a few years too late but there we go , I'm still here and haven't been an in patient in any sort of mental health establishment since this meeting. - As I drove I felt quite calm but contemplated why I was going to visit this old man from the UK who had ordained and now taught international students various matters about meditation and the Buddha.
I eventually concluded I would ask him 3 things 1) about how important regular practice was, 2) How I could get involved more with a temple / monk being settled in Surat and not speaking much Thai,
3) What was the actual meaning of the statement - refrain from sexual misconduct
(all these really reveal a lot about my current situation and state of mind but thats what blogs are about isn't it)
If the opportunity came up I would ask him about the statement the Thai monk had made 2 nearly 3 years ago - I felt calm - relaxed and reasonably content and in the moment.
Getting closer I noticed the egg stalls and found the Hermitage Turning easily enough (even though I still find doing U-turns on a major road a bit unnerving even if they are accepted as legal out her)
Side Road to Suan Mohkk
Arriving at Suan Mohhk has always felt re-assuring to me - The first time my intial retreat it even had a slight feeling of coming home - the peaceful atmosphere there is almost tangible and it is easy to settle back into it. I parked the car up and walked to the main meditation hall - I couldnt help noticing the mess of flip flops and sandals at the entrance to the hall despite the reasonably early hour and apparent small number of people in attendance. I know it is maybe a little smug of me but I couldnt help smiling to myself as my first visit here had made strong impression and one of the most start events was how after few days when people start getting into the retreat this jumbled mess of flip flops seems to dissapear and almost overnight they become a neatly ordered rank and file of resting footware as peoples minds become calmer and focused and mindfuness is applied to simple task like removing ones shoes - since noticing this I cant help using it as a bit of a barometer here in Thailand - how tidy are the shoes at the door - a heuristic indicator to the state of mind of the visitors.
No sooner I stepped in I was greeted by a middle aged american I didnt recognise - I explained I had been before but couldnt stay for the retreat this time due to work commitments (no point in joining to flunk out on day seven - the thai monk seemed to be quite disapproving last time - so I asked if Victor or Dhammavidu were present so I could talk with them - He pointed in Vernon's direction after correcting my mistake regarding his name and I went to ask where Dhammavidu was.
Vernon recognised me and was warm and welcoming - "Yes Ive seen Dhammavidu coming back from his alms round" I was told, "BUT the question is which of his residences will he be in - he may be up the hill or in his forest kuti". I must of looked puzzled - oh try the one up the hill first then if there is no luck there come back and I will tel you how to find the forest kuti. I set off slightly nervous at the idea of entering a monks "personal" space.
At the base of the hill are concrete steps I quickly climbed the first 20 or so and called out a Hello to try and rouse the owners of the two sets of shoes I had spotted at the entrance - Eventually I was answered but the occupants were new on retreat and had no Idea who Dhammavidu was or where he might be found
As I set off to continue up the hill I noticed the steps were quite uneven and intermittent - the mud was slippy and sticky the climb quite steep and about 80 meters up - I paced myself breathing heavily in the hot humid air, eventually after stopping a number of times I reached a small Kuti that was empty I contemplated the positive heath aspects of doing a climb like this every day and remembered the pace he had kept when I spoke with him on his alms round two years previously. Recovered I set off back down the hill thinking the trip down was more daunting than going up. My sandals got caked in mud so i had to stop once or twice to scrape this off - I arrived at the bottom dripping with sweat feeling quite incongruous with the calm relaxed retreat candidates.
After further instruction from Vernon I headed off to try and find Dhammavidu's forest retreat, wandering past the women's hot spring (out of bounds whilst on retreat)
and beyond the eastern boundaries of the center. This was new territory for me but I felt confident in my quest and walked at a moderate pace enjoying the peace and mild weather.
One of the strange things about Suan Mohk is the feeling of friendliness you get when you meet strangers - even when there is no vow of silence in force people greet each other with a smile and maybe a nod of the head but few words are spoken - unless it is between people sat at one of the springs and even then it is calm and hushed tones that prevail.
I wandered to the limits of the hermitage and came to a gate - a dirt track with another gate opposite - I walked on and eventually found a side path with a concrete bridge over a river. This was very narrow but I was intrigued as it was well worn - I was sure this was the way to the forest kuti - I wandered on till the path branched and followed side paths at random until they petered out when I would trace back my steps and take the other fork.
In the end I found myself at the foot of another steep climb - I decided to go back to the gate and follow the road in the other direction.
This took me across a large clearing in the forest - the sun had started to bite and my guess of the time reminded me of the Flanders and Swann song about mad dogs and englishmen.
I eventually arrived at another gate to another Hermitage - Duta Dharma Hermitage - it is in forest so I went through the open gate and felt very calm and peaceful - This hermitage had a largish dorm which was deserted (apart from 2 pairs of shoes) and passing this you come to another meditation hall - also deserted - further on again is a maze of paths criss crossing the forest with the odd kuti bearing a dedication to some beneficiary or another and often the name of the monk in residence.
I walked and sweated for over an hour but still felt relaxed avoiding paths of ants and trying not to disrupt too many spiders with webs across the paths,
eventually I felt I had exhausted every avenue and headed back - Feeling hot and a little hungry by this time. I saw Vernon who told me I had been to the right place, and suggested he may be upstairs in the dorm building - I thought for a moment and decided I hadn't really made much noise not wanting to disturb the monks meditation - Vernon told me he thought he wouldn't mind so much - SO I ventured back. This time I explored the dorm building more thoroughly - finding a library with an amusing sign - which I will return to photograph at a later date. I stopped and sat in meditation for 20 minutes or so then headed back
As I wandered I contemplated that this was probably what I needed at that moment - I I had resolved the problems I needed to and at that moment I bumped in to Vernon who asked I I had found Dhammavidu - No - I replied - I think he has turned into light and dissapeared I joked - I went to the hot spring and washed the heat and sweat off my head and arms and sat for 10 minutes with my trousers rolled up enjoying the moment. then I went back to the food hall where retreaters were about to take lunch and I drank some tea
- I will return soon I think and hopefully I will be able to stay for a longer period, take a camera and get some picture - but this time I think I am glad I didnt have a camera as I spent some quality time with just myself and resolved the problems I had allowed my myself to dwell on - Though I had gone looking for Dhammavidu I realised that I had the solution inside my own head all the time -
"You cant always get what you want"... as the song goes but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.
Obviously I needed a long walk in the Thai forest getting sun burn on my head again,
:)
